Grounded Geographer

 It has been a while since my last post, and a lot has been happening. Some of it has been good, and some of it has been difficult. I have been doing a lot of writing lately, and I am in the fairly early stages of writing my first fiction novel. I think the audience for this is young adult, but it could also turn out to be a children's story. Since starting this blog, I have realized that my love of creative writing is growing, and I wanted to do something with this. The majority of my writing has been academic over the last decade, so this new genre really hits my artistic spark. What I have come to notice while putting this together is that it is so different from academic writing. I hadn't realized how different it actually was until I sat down and began to write. The mindset when sitting down to put words onto paper is the right/left brain distinction. I had the wonderful opportunity to begin discussing this process with a librarian, who has been so helpful in my process. If you have not had the chance to talk with a librarian at length, I encourage you to go to your local library and spark up a literary conversation. Throughout my time in academia, I have made friends and network connections with quite a few librarians. They are the most wonderful people. I even considered going back to get another master's in library science and pursue this line of work myself. However, I am quite happy with my line of work as a geographer and I think the next step is to author a book myself. I actually have two books started, one as I mentioned above, and another is a non-fiction philosophy novel that is rather more academic in nature, although not something that I feel at this time I would send for peer review. Although, once I am closer to completion, you never know. The philosophy book is along the lines of Marx and Foucault and may be a heavy read. I will say, however, that writing both a fiction and non-fiction simultaneously is extremely satisfying to work the left and right brain evenly. I find that it doesn't drain my creativity but rather keeps it going. When I am out of juice to write fiction, I can turn to my non-fiction piece and my brain starts up again. I wonder, if you have done any writing, do you find this to be the case in your process?

I am again back to the job market looking for another GIS Specialist position. I was rather disheartened to find my last GIS role did not last as long as I anticipated. However, that is the nature of the job market these days, unfortunate as it may be. I did take it very hard when it happened, and needed time to lick my wounds. Now, I am back full-force sending out my resume and networking within my field. I only hope that the process doesn't take as long to find another position. I am also considering doing some freelance GIS work in the interim, although I am not quite sure this will pan out. It seems that the freelance work available is not something that is sustainable and may not even be financially worth getting into, but it was just a thought I had while brainstorming my career options. Everyone talks about having remote jobs now, especially in the wake of the pandemic, although I find I run into a lot of obstacles when seeking out this avenue. What I have found is that the remote jobs have hundreds of applicants and the odds for a successful outcome are extremely slim. While in theory it sounds like it would be easier to find something remote, after looking into it it seems this is not the case. So, it is back to the normal avenue of seeking out a full-time GIS position in an office. I am just very surprised to find that especially after the pandemic and in 2025 in general that an office job is still the better option than finding remote work. 

I am also not sure what I want to do with my YouTube channel. I was very excited before with starting to promote on my channel and build my platform, however I am not sure that is really what I want to do now. I have taken the time to do an immense amount of soul searching and research, and I think pursing writing as my main hobby is what I want. While I enjoy making videos, and I will make more, my goals for YouTube are not what they once were. I may record another song, for I have really surprised myself with the notes I have been able to hit. But, again, this is just for fun. And more than likely, you (my friends and family) will be the only ones who end up listening:) 

I have gone through a lot of loss over the past few years. I lost the woman I loved to cancer - it will be three years now on 8/8 - and my cat, Merlin of 16 years, crossed the rainbow bridge just after I started my last GIS job. When my partner told me her cancer came back, I felt a lot of urgency to accomplish everything in the shortest amount of time possible. Perhaps so she could see it, or perhaps for some reason I thought that if I was able to 'make it' successfully it would somehow mean that she wouldn't die. Isn't it funny the things our brain does to try to rationalize loss? Thinking back on it now, of course it doesn't make any logical sense, but at the time I just couldn't imagine losing her. Even now, it has taken three full years for my grieving process to complete. And, something has definitely changed. I feel like I have been able to let her go from my heart, finally. I was holding on so tight for so long. What we had wasn't perfect. It was filled with emotion and drama, but it was real and it was love. I remember being so happy when we were together. I found my person. And now, it is just me again, waiting for a love that will fill my soul as it once was. When she and I were together, I couldn't imagine anyone else as my life partner. The things we had in common and our lifestyle fit so perfectly. I don't want to be alone, though. So, I have to believe that if I found someone once, I will find someone again. I had been running for so many years. Running from the pain of the inevitable loss, then running from the pain of the loss. I know it changed my personality, but there was nothing I could do to bring myself back to Amanda. It just took time. Time to grieve and understand and grow. There is no simple solution, no map to follow. I was a geographer who lost all direction. But now, three years after her death and five years after finding out her cancer had returned, my heart feels differently about everything. I don't feel like I am running anymore. I don't feel like I want to run away and hide from humanity, which is how I felt for a long time. I was so mad at the world. I wished that cancer would claim me as it did her. We had a 31 year age-gap, and I was ready to be done with this life. It did take a lot of time, and a lot of trouble, but I finally feel like Amanda again. I thought I had lost myself for sure, I didn't think I would be able to come back. But my soul feels like it used to. I don't know how else to describe it. I feel like I have found myself again. I no longer have fear or anxiety about what is to come, and for so long I was living in constant survival mode. I feel capable again, I feel like I can handle the hurdles life may put in my path. I feel again like the cosmic Universe and the Earth Mother Goddess are around me. I feel home within myself, grounded in my core. I can't explain any of it, but I do feel it again, and for that I am more grateful that I can ever relay. 

Thank you for reading my words and staying with me on my journey. I am so grateful that you are part of it.

Blessed Be,

~Amanda

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Amanda Vander Kelen, MA is a geographer/GIS Specialist and now blogger. She creates a work/life balance by using her creativity in both making maps and writing blogs. Taking a grounded approach to life, she hopes you can utilize her writing to help create a peaceful space of your own.
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