Being still, a bit about "The Parts" work, and a dash of TWD

These writings are now becoming a new tool in my toolbox. I am so grateful for this space, and am still pleasantly surprised at the traction and feedback I am getting on these early posts. Thank you so much for being here with me. 

I have been taking a few days to just be still. My daily nature walks were on pause for the past few days, partly because of the weather, and partly because I am listening to my body. Being mindful means that I have to listen to what my body is telling me. There are so many parts involved with this. There is the body as a whole - the physical corporeal body. Within the corporeal body are all the little aches and pains that arise. Then, for some of us more specifically, there are the monthly period cramps and overall wanting to be lazy (at least, it is for me) for a little while. During this time, I generally like to be a couch potato, and I always have to remind myself not to beat myself up - that allowing myself to be lazy for a few days a month is actually OK. Often times, I have to remind myself quite a lot and it definitely feels like a challenge to give myself this time without judgement. Then, I have to remind myself that this is just temporary - a few days of rest will not turn me into a permanent couch potato. In fact, you would think that my own self-judgement  would console me and let me relax. Still, it feels like each month this happens, I have not gained any peace of mind that it is only temporary. Maybe one day, it will permanently sink in. When that day comes, I will be sure to write about it. 

After the physical parts, there are emotional parts. I have been doing a lot of introspection and meditation during this resting time, and I have come to a few conclusions. One is that as much as I want certain family members to be supportive in a way that is, oh I don't know, actually supportive, they probably will never change. Do I keep hoping they will be who I need them to be? As of today, sure, of course I do, but I accept that they won't change. Hope is something I struggle with. I am such an optimist - arguably too much of an optimist. I have always had so much hope, and when things don't work out, it ends up crushing me even more. I am still trying to balance hope with being realistic. My hope is helpful in that I can mold it into whatever task I am doing. For example, I can see all the positives that could come from each job application I fill out. And that stems from the hope that the job will come to fruition. My task right now is to be "mindfully hopeful" about my future endeavors. As a kid, I was often told, "Don't get your hopes up." Now, these parts have different names, and depending on how grounded and mindful you are, these parts can become helpers, or they can sabotage you. I had done work on these parts before, when they were running amok, and I recently came across the literature my mentor produced on this topic, so I have been able to refresh my memory and remind myself of all the hard work I have done to get myself to where I am today. I am so hard on myself that I literally have to sit back and pretend I am in my mentors shoes looking back at me. I remember she would ask me to picture my Wise Woman Within, and sometimes that wise woman is her. Sometimes, its an older version of myself. I wonder if they are both actually aspects of myself - the aspect of her that I relate and connect with, and then the aspect of myself that I hope I become in the future. I could go on and on discussing the parts work, but perhaps I will leave that for a future post.

On a less serious note, I have been binge watching Harry Potter movies (tis the season), and getting caught up on The Walking Dead. I can't watch HP, or any movie with Maggie Smith right now without crying hysterically, so I will put that on hold for the moment. I have watched TWD since it started. There have been seasons where I was so busy with work and school that I didn't get to watch, so when I finally came back to it, I would get to binge a whole season at once. I am a huge fan of Melissa McBride through this series and love watching Carol's character progression alongside her comrade-in-arms, Daryl. Daryl and Carol are the longest-running characters left on the show, I am pretty sure. In any event, I think Carol is such a psychologically complex and realistic character. What Melissa McBride has done in this role is phenomenal. I have only done a few acting stints thus far in my life, but if I ever have the chance to be a character on TWD, I would want to work alongside team Carol and Daryl. I know zombies aren't for everyone, but her character transformation is incredible - from battered wife, to the cunning and resourceful character she became is enough of a reason to give it a go. If you watch it, what are your thoughts?

One final note - I started a "buy me a coffee" page. So, if you feel called to show monetary support for this blog, that would be amazing. It would also help me a lot right now while I constructively fill some of my time with blogging between sending out job applications. I am so grateful to you for reading my words. Thank you again for your support in any capacity - reading, liking, sending comments, etc. 

Mindfully,

~Amanda

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Amanda Vander Kelen, MA is a geographer/GIS Specialist and now blogger. She creates a work/life balance by using her creativity in both making maps and writing blogs. Taking a mindful approach to life, she hopes you can utilize her writing to help create a peaceful space of your own.
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